What are some funny and smart quotes?

“It’s a little known fact that the tan became popular in the Bronze Age.”

“Ah just like all women. If they’re not turning down your proposal of marriage, they”re accusing you of suspicious behavior in the lingerie changing room.”

“It’s a little known fact that pigs are the smartest animal. Scientists say that if pigs had thumbs and a language that they could be trained to do manual labor. They give you 20 to 30 years of loyal service and then at their retirement dinner, you can eat them.”

Why is my coworker suddenly being so mean towards then being nice like nothing happened? She is nice with everyone but me.

“There is no rule against postal workers dating women. It just works out that way.”

“The human brain can only operate as fast as its slowest brain cells. Too much alcohol kills brain cells, especially the slower, weaker ones. So, regular consumption of beer eliminates the slower brain cells after you’ve had a few beers which will speed up your brain.”

“Everyone in the Swiss Army owns a Swiss Army knife. That’s why no one messes with Switzerland.”

What questions will be asked by the executive director of JP Morgan for 6 years of experience in Java? The technical rounds are already cleared.

Few people had funnier or smarter quotes than Cliff Clavin from the TV show, Cheers.

They did a study between postal workers and chimpanze...

“A Freudian slip is when you say one thing when you’re really thinking about a mother.”

Why are men ridiculously delusional in the women they want/approach? I'm not a troll. This is a real question. Why does a fat, pot bellied, unkempt, balding, stupid (ergo poor) man, tell a woman above his league that she isn't hot enough for him?

My sister Tracy sent me these a little while ago. I thought I’d share them. Thanks Trace.